Get your Ex back - save your relationship

How a Rebound Relationship Can Work in Your Favor

 

Strategies of the Magic of Making Up

 

How A Rebound Relationship Could Work In Your Favor

When you have broken up with the love of your life and she is in a rebound relationship, how do you get her back? Is it honestly possible to get back with her?

A rebound relationship is where she is dating someone else to get over you.  Rebound relationships keep people from dealing with the emotions and reasons for breaking up.  They are often used to help people move on from a real love. Sometimes they become like a crutch and the person moves on without properly dealing with the loss.

And, that’s genuinely the key to getting your ex back.  When She’s in a rebound relationship to deal with losing you.  You are important enough to her that she needs the rebound relationship to get on with life. It does not matter why she lost you.  It doesn’t matter if it is your fault or hers.  It doesn’t even matter who actually called the relationship off. 

What matters is that you have a real love.  Because almost all relationships founded on real, genuine love can be saved. Where there is genuine substance, there is real love.

If she’s in a rebound relationship, she will be focusing on what is wrong with your relationship.  If you were a “good guy” she’ll probably be hanging out with a “bad boy.”  If you were into philosophy, he’ll be watching Monday Night Football.  Or, vice versa.

The fact that she is actually focusing on the differences in your styles is actually good for you for two reasons.  Her attention is still focused on you even when she’s with the new guy.  And, it gives you a chance to see what she’s looking for.

If she’s with someone as different from you as possible, it means that she was missing something in your relationship.  You can use the time she’s with rebound man to improve yourself – become better.

Let the rebound relationship run its course.  Because, as she spends time with the new guy, she will start to see the flaws in him.  After a month or so with rebound man, you’ll start to look pretty good.

This video gives you the little exercise that calms the mind. Check it out:

That’s why you don’t want to crawl back to her right away.  Let her develop the idea that she misses the good things in the relationship.  When she’s ready to make a move, be magnanimous.  Welcome her back graciously.  Be a new and improved boyfriend, but don’t do the chasing.

Here are some specific steps to take when your ex is in a rebound relationship:

* Don’t try to convince her that you are the love of her life.  Let her discover this on her own.

* Don’t apologize profusely.  If you did something wrong, you can say you’re sorry.  Once.  But move on.  She knows the real reason she loves you.

* Don’t make promises to change.  You are who you are and that’s who she fell in love with. (this is true even though you know that you want to improve to avoid making the same mistake in the future)

* Don’t try to make her see that it wasn’t your fault.  She will come to appreciate that over time – but only if you haven’t made her invest energy in defending her position that it was your fault.

* Never, ever beg her to take you back.

When your ex starts going out with someone just after you break up, she’s in a rebound relationship.  You can make up with her and get back together.  Don’t despair.  The rebound relationship is a sign that she’s still in love with you. And, she may need that relationship to bolster her love and commitment to you.

CLICK HERE for more information on this important subject of relationships.

Richard Darnell
May 5, 2011
Break Up & Making Up
1 comment
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Women and Men think differnetly…..

Have you given thought to the differences in how men and women process data, facts, experiences, and thoughts? It may surprise you, as it did me, to find out how often you automatically expect a different reaction than she did. You may also learn that often your expectations become an irritation to her. Perhaps if you understood how she processes information, you would be better ready to hear her and appreciate her perspective.

Continue reading »

Richard Darnell
April 14, 2011
Marriage, Men are like Waffles, Relationships
1 comment
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Tips of How to Save Your Relationship

Tips of How to Save Your Relationship

First, there are some relationships that should not be saved. Having said that, it is most important to start with an examination of your relationship, how it began, why you were attracted to your partner, and what is the genuine source of your
discontent. When the assessment is complete, you will have a better and
solid idea of whether your relationship is one that should be saved.

My contention is that abusive relationships are most likely not worth saving. You
need professional counseling in order to make the last assessment as to whether
effort should be invested to save such a relationship. This goes for the physical
abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and the spouse that is abusive to your
children. You will get mentally tougher as a benefit from the professional’s advise.

Begin your evaluation of the relationship with the basic inquiries. Introspection,
critical examination, and honest recognition of our personal behavior are the most
significant and basic inquiries that deserve to be thoroughly completed. Unless
you can honestly state that you are totally innocent of any verbal or non-verbal bad
behavior, the problem(s) you now face are mutually created. We can easily blame
our spouse/partner or rationalize and deny our contribution to the problem(s), but
that does not make us innocent. So, be honest when you assess the problem(s)
and each of your contributions to them. Initially, it is best to concentrate
on your contribution to the current problem(s) more than your partner’s.

It is common to give up quickly on a relationship when we are hurting, angry, upset
and disappointed. However, the value of the relationship may be in what each
has given up or let slide as the children came along or the career increased its
demands on our time. It may be easier to just chuck the relationship and go on,
but that may not be the most helpful choice for the long run.

Children are affected at every age by the break-up. Psychologists have written
libraries full of material and documented scientific studies on the deep and
life-long damages to children of broken homes. As these children age, the
volumes of material seem to grow even more. Your children will not escape the
scares that a broken relationship will impose on them. So, do not treat it lightly.

True some couples make improper choices at very young ages and find
themselves in the worst of relationships for all the wrong reasons – thankfully,
these are not the majority.

When you believe that you have examined the genuine cause(s) of the current
discontent, it is time to approach your partner and decide whether they too
recognize the same or different problem(s). It is only more hurtful if one
partner wants to save a relationship when the other has already given up.

Only when both partners agree to “work at” discovering the cause(s) and make a
genuine committment to restore balance, meaning, and value to the relationship
will true beneficial change begin.

Often times the events of life, e.g. children, career, clubs, associations and the
like take us away from our partner. When children are small or ill, it is more
important that they are tended than your partner attend a meeting or event to
which you are committed. However, when those events continue to be more
important than time with your partner and family, you are giving your relationship
up for temporary gratification. Which often sets up opportunities that are not
healthy for your relationship.

Couples do better when they have mutually planned the time to begin having
children. Most will understand that having a family demands certain sacrifices of
time, financial and personal resources. Being partners in the having and raising
of children more often results in a very happy, pleasant and joyful relationship. If
you passed by this procedure/process and now find yourselves apart because of
the imbalance, then begin by discussing the issue. You need a partner that is on
the same page and is committed to you and the relationship. Short of that you
have little if any chance to salvage the relationship.

Now, go back to the beginning of your relationship and remember the “way you
were.” Relive the attraction. Recall the qualities of your partner that you
admired. Make a detailed assessment of where the relationship began and then what
propelled its early progress. Discussing these recollections with your partner is also helpful.

The question becomes whether you can now act and react as you did in the
beginning? Sometimes it takes an effort to bring circumstances that foster a
closeness. Sex is the poorest of all choices. To properly deal with issues in
your relationship, requires much more than intercourse. It may need a candle
light dinner or start a date night for the two of you each week.

It may take a discussion about changing schedules so that you two have 1/2 and
hour to talk about the day’s events. Get the idea? It takes some thought about the
little things that can be done which change the interaction between you.

If you or your partner are coming home from your day at the job and being
“TIRED” acting toward each other or your children, STOP NOW! Begin a practice
of mentally deciding that you are on your way home and that you will act refreshed
and excited to interact with each other and the children. You and the children have
openly or sub-consciously desired to share news of the day with you. Build an
atmosphere within which they can do that in a meaningful way.

Be polite to your partner. Take Proverbs admonition to heart. When you respond
with kindness to those who are grumpy, grouchy, or worse, it is like heaping hot
coals on their head. It may take a little time, but your attitude change will have a
positive effect. In other words, show your partner the you that they want to be with.

Richard Darnell wrote this article. You may copy it in its entirety, without change or alteration and include this paragraph. For more on the topic of relationships click here.

Richard Darnell
September 2, 2011
Break Up & Making Up, Relationships
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Self Help Tips for Healing Yourself and Your Relationship

Self Help Tips for Healing Yourself and Your Relationship

Relationships bring out the very best or worst in us. When the worst is
exposed, we need an attitude of “I can be better.” Self help may or may not be
possible without professional counseling. However, when you have two or three persons who see your faults, love you anyway and are capable of giving you objective observations in a meaningful and loving way, you may indeed be capable improving yourself.

Men are notorious for avoiding advice or hearing their flaws. We think those are nothing but misguided criticism. It is true that when a person internalize criticism, it becomes as an albatross around the neck. When this happens, the criticism is then owned and becomes acted out. Therefore the person becomes lost in the negative statements given them. It takes a very disciplined and well grounded person to process negative opinions. I say again, do not internalize any negative criticism. Remember there is no such thing as constructive criticism. So, do not own it. If you do, the negative will get you down.

When a relationship ends, it is healthy for each party to have introspection. To look inward and look at statements, thoughts, actions, behaviors, and the like. When the introspection is conducted in a healthy way, the individual gains much insight and grows more mature. The inward evaluation and introspection is best when focused on who you are and who do you honestly want to become.

Often times our self-esteem is tied to the relationship. When this happens, we trade who we are for whom we assume our partner wants. This situation is much too unhealthy and dangerous to last. The independence a person possesses will, in time, dominate the loss of what was compromised. When this occurs, the person may become like a house wrecker. Whether there is personal violence or not, the result is very ugly and destructive to both parties.

No relationship breaks up with only one party totally at fault. It takes two to get
together and two to mess it up. Yes, it is true that in most cases one of the party’s
messed up more than the other or had the more serious mess up. Regardless, you owe it to yourself and your future relationships to take that deep personal inventory. Learn who you are. Know the nature and depth of your character. Fully understand your personality. And, learn to take positive, healthy action on your first impressions.

A healthy individual will do better when acting consistent with their first impressions. When you are drawn to a person, always know what it is that draws you. If it is only physical attraction, then the relationship will be short-lived. No one’s body remains the same. Whether age or events impact the change, our physical shape changes over time. Therefore, you are doing yourself and your partner a disservice by continuing in a relationship based exclusively on physical attraction.

Self help is not impossible. However, it is rare that a permanent ever maturing change will result from self-help. Simply stated, self-help is filled with the flaws you brought with you originally plus the extra limitations the broken relationship taught you. Adding “friends” as your think tank or brain trust most often simply adds more people with limitations who are ill-equipped to give objective evaluations.

The self inventory generally requires an accountability partner to finish the process and provide meaningful follow through. An accountability partner is one who is mature enough, grounded enough, and experienced enough to recognize your denials, maneuverings, and the like. A well qualified stranger or a certified professional make great accountability partners. You want them to see through your pity parties, denials, or lies. You want them to push you beyond and through your comfort levels. Only then will the learning be adequately meaningful and healthy.

Change for change sake is useless. When we consciously prepare a strategy for our change, the result is much more meaningful, healthy, and successful. Strategy requires us to know the why, the what, and the how of the change we choose to make. It is no longer determined by a whim or emotional charge. When we take the time, do the research, and pause to consider before moving forward, do we have a genuine chance of becoming better. This subject often recalls to mind the song, “Running On Empty, Running Wild…” by James Brown.

The next step is to explore our spiritual conscience. When our spiritual, physical, and mental spheres are in harmony with the purpose God has for us, we excel. The next article will deal with the spiritual self.

For more information on this and related subjects click here. Richard Darnell authored this article. You may copy it, without alteration or omission, and reprint or publish it and by leaving this paragraph in tact. Copyrighted 2011.

Richard Darnell
August 31, 2011
Relationships, Self Improvement
0 comments
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Understanding the Husband Wife Relationship

Understanding The Marital (husband & wife) Relationship

The title is far too bold an accomplishment for this article. To assume that one has fully grasped the dynamics of the marital relationship between a husband and wife is to grapple with disaster. But, having spent most of my professional life-giving advice to men and women most of whom were husband and wife, I am taking on this subject to share a little of what I learned through the years.

First, let me be most clear about this – men and women do not think alike; do not process information alike; and, definitely do not respond to incidents the same. Having made that clear, allow me this recommendation: Amazon, Christian Book Distributors, and others sell the book entitled “Men Are Like Waffles and Women Are Like Spaghetti” by Pam and Bill Farrel.

Please do yourself a favor, get this book and read it several times. Both of you will get several things of value from the book. When you ‘men’ begin to think you understand the pearls of wisdom this little book shares, lay it down and tell no one. Then come back and begin reading it again from the beginning.

Truthfully this little book will help you to understand the contrasts that exponentially spiral the dynamics of living together beyond the stratosphere. As the recognition begins to take hold of you (men and women), a new dawn is about to break open dimensions of joy, peace, and contentment you never knew were possible.

When God introduced male and female and then as husband and wife, it was to the world a puzzle too often assumed to be understood. Yes, it is possible for each of you to understand the thought process and emotions of the other. To do so requires a want to meet that level of intellectual and emotional maturity that some very fortunate couples do.

The physical differences are easily recognizable. But, the emotional and intellectual differences the physical recognition cannot define. This dynamic of polar differences stumps the best of us. We do stretch our limits with want, drive and determination to reach understanding. Still that understanding and appreciation will only come after intentional effort and much, much trial and error.

If each man and each woman were the same, our life would be a more robotic existence. Therefore, the differences are the spice and grandeur of life. That complexity is never more clear than with couples who have attained higher plains of understanding each other. Their love is open and obvious. Their compassion seems all-consuming. But, together they draw most of us to them because the aura surrounding them is like a people magnetic. Even without understanding it, we do appreciate it and enjoy being near them.

How do they get there? The simple answer is “one day at a time.” But the secret, if a secret it be, is that each day is filled with mutual love and respect that drives each of them to explore new depths of understanding. The element of oneness cannot be taught – only experienced.

Women often raise their voice, shed tears, and use some angry words just to get it off their minds. It is this expulsion through verbal “venting” that releases them from the stress of whatever has been inside and causing them discomfort and pain. Men more often do not recognize the beauty of this cleansing release. You will see other women urge on the one who is venting, because they know that the release is the best solution. Men attempt to recall the words and use them to “fix the imaginary problem” they perceive from the vehement exchange – WRONG!

Men, hear me. When your sweet wife turns purple with what appears to be rage, she does not need to hear from you what you think is a solution. Instead urge her to tell you more and listen with both your head and your heart. After a few times – 100 or so – you will begin to get the idea when she is venting and therefore releasing the pressure. Do not misunderstand, the substance of what she is saying may well be vitally important for you to hear and take seriously in order to further your self-improvement.

Men, avoid telling a woman what she “should do.” You will live longer and enjoy many more days of peace. The old sage said it best, “a happy wife, is a happy life.” Go to the following link for a brief overview of the bookclick here.

In other words, think about what she needs and do your best to give her atmosphere for that to occur. When you mess up, fess up. Do not let the mess up fester. When you realize (or it is pointed out) that you messed up, immediately confess it. Learn the true attitude of giving her what she needs at those few times when she really needs them. Yes, there are times when your wife just needs to have silence from you. Yes, there are times when your wife does not need you to touch her. Beginning to get the picture? Good. Keep learning.

More information on this and related subjects click here. Richard Darnell authored this article. You may copy it, without alteration or omission, and reprint or publish it and by leaving this paragraph in tact. Copyrighted 2011.

Richard Darnell
August 31, 2011
Marriage, Relationships
0 comments
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Where to Date?

Where to Date?

When considering where to date, that is where to take your date, there are some
basic values and fundamental manners to consider.

First of all, where does your date want to go? If this is your first date, take a little
time to ask about the person, their likes and dislikes, favorite movies, favorite
music, the typical small talk that helps you get an idea of your date’s personality .

From that information you may offer a particular food place or a choice between
two different places. If your date is reluctant to choose, put them at ease with
something like “I like the food at both these places, do you prefer one type of
food over the other?” It is also advisable to say directly, “please chose
between these two, because I like both kinds of food.”

You may use the same approach to decide where the date is to be at other
optional events. For example, if there is a dance or particular party to which you
are invited, you should have asked for the date for that specific purpose. But,
there are those times when the invitation comes after you made the date
and now it is time to offer that invitation for your date to attend with you.

This is one area where the younger persons often create their first problem.
Here is what I mean by that. It is better to assume that your date always seeks
permission from their parent or older adult with whom they live. You, as the invitor,
should always make it a habit to go to the door and ask for your date. Never
honk a horn and expect your date to come to you because you made noise. Give
the highest respect by going to the door and introducing yourself to whomever
answers the door. State the reason you are there at their door and ask for your
date or ask if you may come inside and wait for your date.

Please hear and consider this suggestion. If your date meets you at the door,
especially when this is a first date, ask your date if you may go in and meet
their family. It is important to meet the family and is courteous to offer
something like this: “Would it be OK if we return by 11:00 PM?” This approach
will pile up huge kudos for you.

OK. Now that you have established some worthiness, you may now approach the
subject properly. When your date enters your space, calmly, clearly, and distinctly
offer the invitation to a special event that you did not know about when you asked
for the date. Use some reasonable thought process to be clear that you did not
know until the actual time the invitation was given. If you asked for the date as a
dinner date, you can be sure your date partner has not eaten – therefore, assure
them that a meal will be had before attending the event. Be prepared and willing
to give details of the name of the person giving the event, their telephone number,
their address, and any other details that a reasonable person may want to know.
In other words, be prepared before arriving with more information than may be
needed to calm the concern that changed plan causes. Because where to date is an
important factor to the permission giver.

There is more good information shared CLICK HERE

Richard Darnell
August 30, 2011
Relationships, Where to Date
2 comments
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How To Get Ex Back When You Have Been A Jerk

There are a few situations in life which are huge and difficult struggles. It so
happens that one of them is how to successfully get your ex back after you’ve
messed up big time! Coupled with a desire to honestly do better in the future and
thereby create a genuine possibility of staying with her, if and when you reconcile. But,
when you get better, whomever is your next date may choose to stay longer.

So what did you do? Did you cheat? Did you flirt? Were you neglectful?
Selfish? Or just unlucky? The questions could go on and on. Whichever or
whatever you did, if you seriously want to get back with her, you’re going to have
to start with yourself. Until you sort yourself out and admit to yourself how you
messed up, there is little chance of anything permanent going to happen!

It’s no doubt going to be tough for you, but I’m going to suggest something
counter-intuitive: leave her alone! Allow me to repeat that – leave her alone!
Give her some time to herself. You never know, she might realize that she sincerely
misses you. In which case she may make the contact that starts the relationship
up again all on her own (do not hold your breath for that one). But, don’t dismiss
this possibility, even if all looks lost right now. Also, do not cling to it as a
possibility. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t! Either way the choice
must be natural – never forced or coerced.

However, if what you need to get her back is a more direct, hands on
approach then, again, take some “time out” and use the time to get your head
straight. By default, you give her some time to think also and put this back
into a much-needed better perspective.

So, find your friends and family and spend time with them. Make sure you’re not
pestering her with emails and texts and trying to bump into her in the places where
you know she is likely to hang out. Believe me, this will only back fire on you and
ruin your chances of getting her back, because she’ll only become annoyed with
you.

If you neglected her, for example missed her birthday, hardly ever took her out, or
didn’t stop the flirting, then you need to seriously look at that behavior and decide
what is genuinely important. No girl worth her salt is going to put up with such bad
behavior. A girl wants, needs, and deserves to be taken out and made a fuss over. She needs to know that you want to be with her for much more than the obvious reasons. If you fail to show her that, then she will walk and find a guy who will treat her with the utmost respect and show her that appreciation she craves.

If all that you did was hang around with your friends and ignored her wishes, then
again, you’re going to have to understand that this is not the way to treat a girl. If
you’re sure that you want a girlfriend then it’s time to fix up, look good and look
sharp! Start learning how to act sincerely and honestly so that she knows she is
important to you.

To have a chance of getting back with her, you now need to show her that you can genuinely understand her needs and are ready and prepared to meet those needs. Don’t mess up and try to get her back under false pretenses. If it works at all, it won’t work for long. When she leaves the next time be ready for her to be gone for good.

More good advice HERE!

Richard Darnell
August 12, 2011
Break Up & Making Up
0 comments
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Happy Marriage

First off, happy marriages do not come by accident. Many often think that just haphazardly go along in life will result in blissful happy and satisfying marriage – WRONG! Let’s begin at the beginning.

Few of us were taught the art and science of selecting a life-long mate. For that matter we were not taught the “how-to-choose” a compatible mate which is the first ingredient for a happy marriage. It pains me to meet those couples who are constantly in conflict with no smooth sailing at any time. Life is difficult enough without compounding the problem with an incompatible mate.

So to enjoy a Happy Marriage, let’s begin with the selection process of knowing when we have met that compatible person who may become our compatible mate. Yes, many people can (and many have) learn to live with their less than optimum compatible relationship. For that to result over time takes two very special people who are psychologically, emotionally, and intellectually mature. When only one of them is yielding or bending or compromising, there is no real or genuine balance. Typically one or both become very angry unhappy and cantankerous persons.

You’ve heard it said that “opposites attract” and that holds true in marriage. The differences between a man and a woman can often enhance their attraction to each other. However, it is also true that “…it’s the little things that cause division” which invariably leads to divorce. When the little things do not cause the other to grimace or to have any negative reaction, then that difference is non-consequential. However, when the little things cause you to react negatively or even to disgust you, it is time to be real, genuine and true to yourself. This person is not a candidate as your life long companion.

When you react with the thought, “oh well, when we are married I will get him/her to change”, STOP for you are headed for real problems. Too often one or the other will take this approach that adding permanency to their relationship means “change the other” and that never turns out well.

Most happily married are the monogamous couple who respect, admire, and trust each other implicitly. They started their marriage as best friends and took their vows seriously. Their marriage did not begin on any whim or erotic infatuation or some emotional high. It began as a true and relationship between two friends who trusted each others opinions and thoughts.

Watch couples when they are shopping at leisure. You will see the touches, glances, and dialog going on between them. There can be no mistake they care for each other and the love that is communicated is obvious to a keen observer. Too often decisions are made on running rapid hormones or lust – those are not love. There is nothing you can do to make them love when the high pressure fades.

To be happy in marriage, must begin during dating or courting. When there is no sexual encounters and the two of you have times that are just mutually enjoying time together, you are on to something. But, when you are constantly seeking the presence of others than alone time, you may want to do both of you a favor and move on.

When you can see yourself with this person when you look like your grandparents or the oldest couple you have ever seen – you are onto something very special.

There is much more on the subject at: CLICK HERE
The Magic of Making Up is also helpful to learn what becomes a Happy Marriage.

Richard Darnell
July 25, 2011
Marriage, Relationships
4 comments
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7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

Sett works long hours and Lisbon doesn’t feel he is there for her. Lisbon spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Sett feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs? Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved?

Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, each partner must decide whether the relationship is worth saving. Hard work coupled with a forgiving heart and a sincere wish to change have saved many a marriage. This is especially true when both parties honestly want to make it work. Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done. When only one partner desires to save the relationship, disaster is waiting around to strike. When you continue living in the same place, under the same old conditions, expect there will be strife, disappointment, and eventually bitterness.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or stay in a marriage because of the children. But neither of these excuses is enough. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving – not an endurance contest.

When one partner chooses to stay in the relationship “because of the children,” you have a potentially volatile interpersonal relationship. Staying for the children is, more often than not, an excuse to avoid the stress that a real and genuine decision may to bring. Parents who stay under this excuse, often do not recognize the serious hurt they are putting on the children. Far too many children grow up and repeat the loveless marriages or living together because they never had a healthy relationship revealed to them by their parents.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. Honesty and a wish to face reality are a good beginning.

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting with guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues and not symptoms, you can save the relationship. You have begun to recognize the real issues that have placed the behaviors of each party. Please accept as true that fact that when there is controversy or contentions it is not the fault of only one of the partners. Both contribute to the problem that now threatens to end the relationship.

Once you find the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you, remember that he or she is not doing it because they want to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

It is imperative that each partner recognize that discussing each problem is not personal for or against the listener. If one partner or the other continues “blaming” and “finger pointing” toward the other, then the process of saving the relationship is still a long way off. The more each partner can take (that is continue listening even when it hurts) without becoming angry or vindictive, the faster the parties will get to a new and healthy understanding of their problems.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, and fully discussed them, then begin to create an action plan to solve them. A series of concrete steps that deal specifically with each problem is the best action plan. For example, if you don’t spend time together like you used to, then plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. This does not mean spend an evening in the same room watching television. Each of you need to share the week or day’s activity.

If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. Again, make this a quality 20 minutes of sharing the day, sharing a concern, or relaying a message. Whatever commitment you reach, be dedicated to keeping the schedule. In other words, when you agree to do something, then do it.

Professional counseling offers great benefits to you in assessing the problems, identifying possible solutions, and keeping both of you calm and focused to get through the process. Whether you choose Christian counseling or secular counseling, these professionals are invaluable. Their education and experience are a genuine blessing for both of you. Take advantage of them when they are available to you.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There will be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described some basics in this article of how to save a relationship. God bless you.

For more information about relationships and saving or getting back together, click here.

Richard Darnell
June 28, 2011
Relationships
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Christian Marriage Counseling Getting God Inspired Guidance

Christian marriage counseling is used by many couples striving to follow God’s will and seek His guidance when the need for marriage counseling has come. When your marriage is struggling, it is important for couples to get good advice from marriage counselors. If you are Christians then it very well may be that you need to get marriage counseling from someone coming from the same place.

The first threshold question is “do you remember what qualities attracted you to your spouse in the first place?” Often times it takes someone strong enough to see through the game playing, manipulation, and whatever your favorite practice to avoid blame or deny that you have problems. Christian counseling often brings the force and power of your faith to expose whatever has been hidden and now interfering with your relationship.

Remember, it is rare when a relationship has problems for them to be caused by or cured by only one of the partners. Each share a responsibility, an accountability and must have a genuine path for forgiveness to begin to patch the past.

The problems that you have in your marriage may be an inability to relate to each other for some reason that either or both of you are unable to identify. It could be due to more serious problems such as adultery, pornography, lying, or many other things. Whatever the reason, it is incredibly important that you seek a counselor to help you help the marriage.

The advice you may get from secular marriage counselors may be good but also may not give you guidance that comes from God’s word. Or, the advice is incompatible with your moral standards. There are many counseling choices available to you that can change hearts before your marriage ends in divorce. The best way for many to avoid that has been Christian marriage counseling.

Many churches now have marriage and family counselors on staff and some also have counseling centers. They are able to provide many types of counseling services including family therapy and marriage counseling. They will not just try and help you solve problems in your marriage but are able to help make your marriage stronger, mature your faith and draw you closer to God.

A good Christian marriage counseling program will have a counselor that will draw you and your spouse back together and will help draw you closer to God, together. It will help you get your priorities back in line so that the two of you will be able to focus on things that are more important.

It is really important that you do not hesitate to find help if you are having problems. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to fix the problems. This is no time to be in denial. You need to get things back on track and Christian marriage counseling can help you accomplish that.

The hardest thing that you may have to face is trying to convince the one you love that getting counseling is important. It may be necessary to go and seek advice from a counselor on the best way to get your loved one to go in for counseling. There is never just one right or wrong approach. Someone who is objective can be invaluable to you – don’t hesitate seek their assistance.

There is a lot to risk either way. There may be some things uncovered that will be uncomfortable to talk about but facing those issues and addressing them has to be done. You will also have to learn a lot of humility as you may find out that you are the source of some of the problems. You may also find out that there is very little that can be done to save the relationship. What you want to avoid is any regret for not having done everything you can to save it.

When your marriage is important to you and you are living as a Christian family, then finding a Christian marriage counseling program is of the utmost importance. God Bless you.

For more information click here.

Richard Darnell
June 26, 2011
Break Up & Making Up, Relationships
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